News Flash: You Matter
I’m sure we’ve all been there a time or two, popular, at least to some degree…someone that others wanted to know or talk to. Perhaps you’ve been that person who had as many friends as there were stars in the sky (exaggeration) or a friend for each day of the week or month. Perhaps you’ve only called few friends. Perhaps you’ve only had one really good one who was without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to you. Imagine for just a moment that the individual(s) in question all of a sudden disappeared? You stopped hearing from them. They stopped calling or texting, they moved away and didn’t tell you, then found new friends or the relationship had just seemed to fizzle out, whether boldly or indirectly. Suddenly the feeling grips you that speaks very loudly in your head “You no longer matter.”
Have I been there? Oh, likely too many times to recount, or maybe the truth is that I don’t want to remember all of those times and what it felt like. It definitely presents a vulnerability that is the ultimate challenge for me. To add to that, it seems a recurring theme, happening over and over again like that bicycle wheel that won’t stop turning. Have you ever felt like that? You reach and reach and reach some more only to realize that clearly, you no longer matter. You send a message and you may or may not get one in return. You send an email and it may or may not be read. You call and you only get to the voicemail, if it is even answered at all. Then, you get in your own head and you tell yourself that it is you. Something is wrong with you. Why does this thing keep happening to me over and over again like a recurring chronic cough that won’t let my lungs go? But I got to thinking. Now thinking can be quite dangerous at times, but I submit that this time, it was good.
So I began to wonder about the whole coming and going or the possibility that those individuals were never “really” there to begin with, and two things came to mind:
1) You served the purpose you had in their lives.
2) It was meant to break you in order to build you.
Let’s take point one to start. I’d always heard that not everyone is around to “stay.” While there could be a myriad of reasons why someone chooses to walk away, what I began to understand is that it is quite possible that the role looming over your head that needed to be fulfilled in that person’s life may be finished. It is quite possible that you were to sow a seed, or water and once the act is complete, so is that purpose and hence they, or maybe even you, walk away. Then, life goes on and someone else crosses your path. The spin cycle has just changed again and now you have the opportunity to fulfill purpose in the life of the new person you met. Maybe it is in something you say, or do. Maybe you listen well and they need that. Maybe you’re a giver and they have never known anyone like that. Maybe you’re just sincere or genuine and they get to see that modeled, altering their perception of people. Perhaps it is many things.
Moreover, consider for just a moment that your purpose is not tied to just a few. Maybe your gifts and talents are not designated to be limited. Perhaps your value is so much bigger and grander than you believed. Maybe your “why” supersedes that which you always thought it was. To clarify, as hard as it might be to stomach when things end, it may be the very design. It may be that what you brought to the life of another has been accomplished, and is in fact, not a negative at all, but a positive. Mission accomplished.
Moving swiftly to point two, which I must admit is the hardest to discuss. As if the potential pain associated with point one wasn’t enough, point two takes things to a whole new level. What if, by design, the feeling of ‘no longer mattering’ is to strengthen you, redirect you, focus you towards a path, a direction or a goal. A very short story is that I was once friends with a couple individuals. Memories were made. Bonds were shared. Life was lived together. Then, Boom! They moved away. Not only did they move away, the lines of communication were scrambled, cut or somehow abruptly discontinued. It bothered me for a long while. In fact, thinking about it now still makes me feel some kind of way. Nevertheless, I am stronger now than I was before. Because I endured that pain, I gained strength to keep it moving and perhaps handle greater things. Another example might be the wolf pack at Lackland Air Force Base during basic training. I was part of a flight of 59 airmen. We all took an oath to support and defend the nation, with one focus or mission, and that was to become airmen ‘together.’ So many experiences were had in those 6.5 weeks, triumphs and hardships. To this day, I am in contact with about 7 of those airmen, but the other 52 lasted for the 6.5 weeks and that was it. To that point, some relationships with others end and some last longer, and perhaps it is all due to purpose. That is not to say friendships cannot be maintained if desired, but as an alternative way of thinking, perhaps the relationships that end were not meant to last beyond the precipice of purpose being fulfilled.
Long story short, I have had my days where it felt as though I didn’t matter, or no longer mattered, because people moved on and it seemed like they didn’t care anymore. I had to rewrite the script in my mind. I had to understand that what looks like loss, may not be that at all. Perhaps it is that very event or experience that had purpose in it. Perhaps the feelings are necessary to move me further along to realize that I am not here at all by accident, but I am here on purpose. If you didn’t do what only YOU could do, then who would do it? If you didn’t say what only YOU can say it (the way you say it) then who would? If you didn’t be YOU the way that only YOU can, then who could step into those shoes? I say no one! “YOU are the ‘only’ YOU that will ever be, YOUR experiences, YOUR story, YOUR diversity.” (Journey to the Y in You) Your life matters. You Matter.
