Challenging Average
Challenging Average
Current Events
As I write, so many things flood my mind that plague the world and/or create obstacles for all of us who live in it. I consider how difficult these obstacles and how insurmountable they appear. I can’t help sometimes but to wonder why and sometimes even question these events or experiences. Sometimes it makes me weary and there have been times when I have wondered whether or not it’s even worth all of the effort. Nevertheless, one thing I am certain of, “opposition is the indication that you are headed in the right direction.” I truly believe that the obstacle is the way. If you have not read this book by Ryan Holiday, I would recommend it. Life’s experiences have shown me that life is truly a journey, to who we really are. Shameless Plug: Journey to the Y in You (written by yours truly) is another timeless read and may be more relevant now than it was when it was published.
The Nature of Obstacles
What do I mean when I say that “the obstacle is the way? C.S. Lewis said “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” The truth is that the obstacles do a few things in our lives:
Obstacles reveal.
Obstacles have the capacity to reveal things around us that we may not have been able to see prior to the obstacle. Obstacles are lessons, or teachers for us. If life is a journey, the journey requires that we know certain things and knowing those things help us to take further steps forward.
Obstacles also have the capacity to reveal things about ourselves that we didn’t know or were not aware of prior to the obstacle. Journey to the Y in You reveals how the obstacles show us ourselves, good, bad or otherwise. When we understand WHO we are, then we become an unstoppable force.
Obstacles restore.
Obstacles can remind you of who you are.
Obstacles can show you something about you that you may have never seen or known previously.
Obstacles remind.
Obstacles reinforce your unique value.
Obstacles indicate you’re still “here.”
Obstacles remove.
Obstacles can lighten your load. They may help you to be able to see what you don’t need, what may be weighing you down and keeping you from flying or rising.
Obstacles can be a reality check. They may remove the very things I thought I needed most.
Shifting gears slightly, how do the above understanding help us? Well, the truth of the obstacles…the experiences of our lives, the additions, the losses (which may not truly be losses) equip us with the understanding of how we become stronger through those obstacles. Why do we become stronger? I truly believe it is because we are meant to do above-average things. We are destined to be great, in whatever capacity and as such, that requires strengthening.
I think about the plethora of new knowledge I have gained in the past two years around gardening, agriculture and horticulture. I think about plants and trees and their ability to “lean towards the light.’ I think about the obstacles that even plants and trees face in order to grow up and be fruitful. The variety of obstacles that plant life has to withstand or grow through, results in a stronger plant or tree. Even losing leaves or stem parts, also known as pruning, are actually beneficial to the plant or tree because the plant becomes bushier and more productive, while the tree understands that it needs to grow more. Obstacles are the way to growth. Growth happens physically, as in the trees, but also inwardly as well. When the tree stretches out its branches, that’s growth. When the plant bears flowers, fruit and/or seeds, that’s growth. This is their opportunity to be great, producing more after its own kind through its seeds or seed-bearing fruit.
An Anecdote
On February 26, 2022, I engaged in conversation with my brother Dio and the conversation shifted to the kids, namely my nephew Z, who, as long as I can remember, has been busy being “great.” Time flies quickly and Z is now 11 years old (soon to be 12) and has his hands in everything. He plays soccer, he is playing the trumpet, has taken part in martial arts and is constantly trying something new. You might say that he inspired this writing today. I’d go as far as to say that the world might take some notes from him. He has impeccable character, zeal and genuinely loves to learn.
Z Challenges Average
I find it very interesting how both Z and I are middle children, meaning that we are in the middle of our families, as “middle’ born of all of the children.
What is Average?
I’d like to, if I can, operationally define average. Average may mean something completely different depending on who’s defining it. However average seems to suggest that a greater capability exists beyond what is being represented or demonstrated. Average may not look or sound the same to one person as it does to another. As we look at our own lives to reflect, evaluate and dig deep, we know what we are capable of. If we are not aware, we understand that the potential exists for greatness. The potential is there to take those risks, knowing that the risk-taking may lead to open doors and opportunities.
When we look at average, maybe it is interpreted as doing “just enough” and getting the “just enough” reward or doing so, albeit intrinsic or extrinsic. What if average is doing what we have seen everyone else do because that’s all we have seen or is all that we know? What if average is doing something we may not completely like, but know that it’s something to do? Again, average to one person may not be average to another. Inside, I believe we know or are able to determine that we can do more personally, or on the other hand, we know if we have exhausted our abilities to go further. What would happen if we took another step? What if understood that one more step could be all it takes to bring change, transform the minds of people to think and see things in a new way?
Challenge Average
How do you challenge average? So many examples of people exist that did not stop at just living life but lived life in a way as to bring life to and inspire others to do the same. They didn’t settle for ‘just,’ but made a decision to be just a little bit more. And that little bit more changed everything. I have come across this quote many times…”The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little ‘extra.’” (Jimmy Johnson) My dad challenged average. He was 1) the minister, 2) the father of 7, 3) the mechanic, 4) the Army veteran, 5) the brother, 6) the uncle, 7) the grandfather, 8) the hero. When I think about my brother Dio, I don’t see average, I see someone who has decided that he was built for better than average. When I look at my little talented nephew Z, I see a world changer. He was not built for average. When I look at the students I have taught through these 17 years, I can say with certainty that the number includes so many who made choices to be great.
Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four years old.
Helen Keller was blind and deaf, yet tipped intelligence scales.
Benjamin Franklin dropped out of school when he was ten.
Stephen King’s first novel was rejected thirty times.
Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before successfully creating the lightbulb.
Martin Luther King, despite setbacks in his life, became a prominent voice and speaker articulating words and inspiring change.
When I think about these examples, I find it compelling how these individuals were unstoppable. They didn’t stop, yet I am sure they had many opportunities to do so. I would like to think that it may have crossed all of their minds. I’d like to think that perhaps each of these individuals felt like stopping, considered giving up, became tired, questioned if their work was really worth it…got close to throwing in the towel. Yet, despite that, each also understood what was riding on their decisions to press forward and to do something more, something greater than what had been done previously..and not to boast about it, but instead transform people and be a light, model or example for someone else. That example would say that average is a choice…but pushing yourself to do just a little bit more is also a choice, a choice to ‘challenge average,’ the one they made. It will likely help other people as well as yourself.
News Flash: You Matter
I’m sure we’ve all been there a time or two, popular, at least to some degree…someone that others wanted to know or talk to. Perhaps you’ve been that person who had as many friends as there were stars in the sky (exaggeration) or a friend for each day of the week or month. Perhaps you’ve only called few friends. Perhaps you’ve only had one really good one who was without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to you. Imagine for just a moment that the individual(s) in question all of a sudden disappeared? You stopped hearing from them. They stopped calling or texting, they moved away and didn’t tell you, then found new friends or the relationship had just seemed to fizzle out, whether boldly or indirectly. Suddenly the feeling grips you that speaks very loudly in your head “You no longer matter.”
Have I been there? Oh, likely too many times to recount, or maybe the truth is that I don’t want to remember all of those times and what it felt like. It definitely presents a vulnerability that is the ultimate challenge for me. To add to that, it seems a recurring theme, happening over and over again like that bicycle wheel that won’t stop turning. Have you ever felt like that? You reach and reach and reach some more only to realize that clearly, you no longer matter. You send a message and you may or may not get one in return. You send an email and it may or may not be read. You call and you only get to the voicemail, if it is even answered at all. Then, you get in your own head and you tell yourself that it is you. Something is wrong with you. Why does this thing keep happening to me over and over again like a recurring chronic cough that won’t let my lungs go? But I got to thinking. Now thinking can be quite dangerous at times, but I submit that this time, it was good.
So I began to wonder about the whole coming and going or the possibility that those individuals were never “really” there to begin with, and two things came to mind:
1) You served the purpose you had in their lives.
2) It was meant to break you in order to build you.
Let’s take point one to start. I’d always heard that not everyone is around to “stay.” While there could be a myriad of reasons why someone chooses to walk away, what I began to understand is that it is quite possible that the role looming over your head that needed to be fulfilled in that person’s life may be finished. It is quite possible that you were to sow a seed, or water and once the act is complete, so is that purpose and hence they, or maybe even you, walk away. Then, life goes on and someone else crosses your path. The spin cycle has just changed again and now you have the opportunity to fulfill purpose in the life of the new person you met. Maybe it is in something you say, or do. Maybe you listen well and they need that. Maybe you’re a giver and they have never known anyone like that. Maybe you’re just sincere or genuine and they get to see that modeled, altering their perception of people. Perhaps it is many things.
Moreover, consider for just a moment that your purpose is not tied to just a few. Maybe your gifts and talents are not designated to be limited. Perhaps your value is so much bigger and grander than you believed. Maybe your “why” supersedes that which you always thought it was. To clarify, as hard as it might be to stomach when things end, it may be the very design. It may be that what you brought to the life of another has been accomplished, and is in fact, not a negative at all, but a positive. Mission accomplished.
Moving swiftly to point two, which I must admit is the hardest to discuss. As if the potential pain associated with point one wasn’t enough, point two takes things to a whole new level. What if, by design, the feeling of ‘no longer mattering’ is to strengthen you, redirect you, focus you towards a path, a direction or a goal. A very short story is that I was once friends with a couple individuals. Memories were made. Bonds were shared. Life was lived together. Then, Boom! They moved away. Not only did they move away, the lines of communication were scrambled, cut or somehow abruptly discontinued. It bothered me for a long while. In fact, thinking about it now still makes me feel some kind of way. Nevertheless, I am stronger now than I was before. Because I endured that pain, I gained strength to keep it moving and perhaps handle greater things. Another example might be the wolf pack at Lackland Air Force Base during basic training. I was part of a flight of 59 airmen. We all took an oath to support and defend the nation, with one focus or mission, and that was to become airmen ‘together.’ So many experiences were had in those 6.5 weeks, triumphs and hardships. To this day, I am in contact with about 7 of those airmen, but the other 52 lasted for the 6.5 weeks and that was it. To that point, some relationships with others end and some last longer, and perhaps it is all due to purpose. That is not to say friendships cannot be maintained if desired, but as an alternative way of thinking, perhaps the relationships that end were not meant to last beyond the precipice of purpose being fulfilled.
Long story short, I have had my days where it felt as though I didn’t matter, or no longer mattered, because people moved on and it seemed like they didn’t care anymore. I had to rewrite the script in my mind. I had to understand that what looks like loss, may not be that at all. Perhaps it is that very event or experience that had purpose in it. Perhaps the feelings are necessary to move me further along to realize that I am not here at all by accident, but I am here on purpose. If you didn’t do what only YOU could do, then who would do it? If you didn’t say what only YOU can say it (the way you say it) then who would? If you didn’t be YOU the way that only YOU can, then who could step into those shoes? I say no one! “YOU are the ‘only’ YOU that will ever be, YOUR experiences, YOUR story, YOUR diversity.” (Journey to the Y in You) Your life matters. You Matter.
Leaning Towards the Light
Have you ever paid attention to the actions of plants and trees in the world? Do you have the proverbial “green thumb?” Do you garden at home? Small things blow my mind every day and one of them is the need that plants have for the light. We learn that scientifically, the process by which plants, as producers, make their own food is photosynthesis, requiring the absorption of sunlight as one of its prerequisites. That has made sense to me ever since I learned it. However, the thing that fascinated me was watching what plants do when the position of the light source changes, or the position of the plant itself is altered.
This plant (whose name is to be determined) was grown from its seed and has been manipulated by me on many occasions, raising and lowering it, as well as shifting its position with respect to the light.
If you have ever spent time with your plants outside, surely you have likely noticed that your plants, depending on where you have them, will always ‘lean towards the light.’ So, the plants, though rooted into the ground are responding to changes in their environment. According to Journey North, there is a chemical called auxin inside of plants that allows the plant to regulate it shoot growth. In this way, plants’ auxin levels are generally spread throughout the plant, however in the case of light variations, the auxin on the sunny side of the plant is broken down and sent to the part of the plant being shaded, allowing the plant to grow longer stems in that area. Those longer stems allow the plants to ‘lean’ towards the light. The process is referred to as phototropism. If the plant or tree has fallen over, the principle remains that the plant or tree will still ‘lean towards the light.’ This phenomenon amazes me, makes me wonder, and draw on it to form connections between plants and people.
When I think of light, I think of the thing that shines, guides or leads. The lighthouse out in the middle of the water, is a beacon for seafarers and ship captains and sailors to safely make their way back to the shore. The small match in the middle of a forest at night dispels the darkness. A flashlight or a candle aids us all in the event of power outages or brown-outs. How much more might we, as individuals be a light, or the light for someone else? Who is leaning towards you? Are you shining as a beacon of hope and encouragement during tumultuous times? How can you be a light in times of darkness and uncertainty? Can be by lending you ear? What about offering a bottle of water? Is it possible that people just need to feel cared for, and even if you may not be able to deliver a hug, you find a way to be a bridge over troubled waters?
As an educator of 14 years, one thing I can say with 100% certainty, is that teachers always have been and likely will continue to be much more than someone who siphons out content. In fact, students come to us, in many cases, needing more than curriculum. It makes you wonder why curriculum seems to be so much more important than the human part, social-emotional learning, life skills and the like. It sounds very backwards to me. Yet there are so many ills in the world that could be altered if we turned on the light. What if the light influenced the degree to which learning could be augmented, deeper and more effective? I firmly believe that we have the potential to be lights, lights that encourage, guide, instruct, give hope and give love. Maybe it isn’t a visible light, maybe its a glow that you have that people are drawn to. Maybe it’s the way in which you incline your ear, listening so intently and talking so little.
How would things in our spaces and places change if we knew that there were those leaning, like plants, trying to find a light? A light that they can develop from. A light that they can produce from. A light that they can strengthen from. A light that they can glean from so that they even become a conduit for others plants (people) to grow. If they leaned in your direction, would they receive nutrient-rich light? And…maybe we as lights, can also lean toward others who, can encourage us in times of challenge..to show us all that ‘leaning towards the light’ is gives us all the strength to keep growing.
Forward in 2019.
2018 came to a close with this opportunity to share with those of Lutheran Haven on 12/23. You can watch and listen HERE if you so desire! I am constantly reflecting (and analyzing) and I can admit that the challenges of 2018 changed me. I realize that I am not the same person. Not everything felt good, was good, but I believe that it was necessary. Now I, today, take a forward mindset into 2019. 2018 is now behind me or should I say serves as stepping stones. Reflecting on my previous post "Broken, but Built." The obstacles become opportunities, the sticky situations become stepping stones, the problems become possibilities. I am convinced that what we say and think of ourselves is our reality. Choosing my words and actions carefully, I will move forward, starting today.
Episode 4: The Power of the Light. (Journey to the Y in You)
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: You can be a light to someone else that needs you. https://anchor.fm/denegainey/episodes/You-can-be-a-light-to-someone-else-that-needs-you-e2rl03
The Power of Perseverance. Episode 3
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Episode 3: The Power of Perseverance. https://anchor.fm/denegainey/episodes/Episode-3-The-Power-of-Perseverance-e2p6rt
Broken but Built
I am reminded of the many experiences I had as a child where I broke things around the house that were of value, not intentionally though. Some of those things were mine. Others belonged to my parents. Boy were they upset when they found out that I'd broken something of great value! I even remember classroom experiences where I'd broken things, only to feel great remorse. It was one thing to break something you owned but another thing altogether to break something that was owned by someone else and experience their wrath. As an adult, I see being broken very differently. Is it a bad thing to be broken? In Journey to the Y in You, it speaks about shifting perception, altering the viewpoint of our experiences that break us, those things in life that seemingly come to take from us rather than give. How can we intentionally look at something that looks bad, seems bad, feels bad and likely is bad and pull good out of it?
I reflect often on myself an educator. How can I be better? How can I dig deeper? How can I be a greater influence on the lives of others and aid them in finding their 'why?' The truth about teaching, however, is that it isn't always easy. You are challenged to raise the bar for your students, coaching them towards success. That can be immensely challenging, yet rewarding. As a teacher, you aren't only influencing or impacting the lives of children but their families also, whether positively or negatively.
Not every experience I have had in the world of education has been positive. To be completely transparent, I have been 'broken' during times of good intentions. I have been 'broken' when my there was disagreement with what should and should not happen in the classroom. I have been 'broken' through mistreatment and gossip. I have been 'broken' because of the color of my skin (as well as being male). What does it mean to be 'broken?' Being broken means that a part of you has been damaged or fractured. I LOVE Malcolm X's words here: "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." My most recent experience of being broken came at a time when I felt like so many things were going wrong.
The truth is that if I'd never been broken, I would have never seen what I can now see. The truth is that if I'd never been broken, I'd never know what I now know. The real truth is that being broken provided the perfect opportunity to be built. When the foundation has been formed properly, structures can be built to withstand weather and other treacherous conditions. When a house has a proper structure, it can stand even in the middle of chaos and confusion. Along this journey of life, I have realized that not every experience will meet my expectations. It won't come neatly folded. It won't come in a box with a bow. It will come with challenges that are by design, necessary for improvement. It's all about how you view the obstacle. Viewing the obstacle as an opportunity is a great way to let being broken build you into a better and stronger version of you.
What are my 100 Words?
First thanks, Jessie Boyce for putting this little challenge out there. It's really a little HUGE challenge. I'd never thought about doing this before and here goes my disclaimer: This is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, putting my joy of teaching and learning in 100 words.
My 100 Words on Why I Love Teaching
I love teaching because it is a perpetual process of learning & I am just as much of a student when I teach as the students themselves are. I love teaching because of the immense ability to “reach” and not just teach & to see lives transformed through that reach! I love teaching because little by little, the world can be changed for the better. I love teaching because of spontaneous discovery and the ability to empower students to C.L.I.M.B.E. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing students actualize themselves and take ownership and independence when learning.
What are your 100 words? I think it’s time to get writing!
Don't Stop Moving
I believe I read a quote at some point that said "If you try to make everyone happy then you'll never make anyone happy." As I constantly evaluate myself and place myself under the microscope, I am really that kind of educator that is all in. I am always thinking and doing something supports my professional role. It's like I live and breathe this educator thing. As if I was an educator before I was even born...and once I was, everything I did, good, bad or indifferent, led me to this point. I remember my first grade teacher who had supreme influence on me while I was a student in her class. I also went back to her classroom every day after school through fifth grade, to help her if she needed it. When I was off to middle school, I would still make it a point to head back to the school to help her in whatever way that I could. As a high school student, I began to track my volunteer hours since that was such a big thing and quite frankly I'd been involved a lot anyway. I went back to help her yet again, and upon graduation, was recognized as a member of my graduating class with a tremendous amount of community service hours. So this isn't the first time I've mentioned that little anecdote, but it is still a relevant piece regarding why I stand here in this position today. I grew up with high expectations, or in other words, those around me expected much from me. That said, as an educator, my expectations are also high, as it applies to those in my area of influence.
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I do my best to check my intentions to ensure they are always genuine. In other words, I try to ensure that my actions reflect an awareness of self and a focus on others. I have come to realize that even when actions are genuine, the actions don't always please everybody. As an educator, it's not so much about the quiz or the project or the school year as it is about life, character and responsibility. So my actions, beliefs and overall philosophy is driven by this premise. Perhaps it's a "bigger than me" mentality. It's not about me, but it is about the lives of the those within my reach. And thus, I am always focused on who those people are or who they will be, not the here and now.
The truth is that not everybody will agree with you, believe in you, take the journey with you, or even support you. Whether that means family, friends, colleagues, administrators, parents or even students, trials come that they might make you strong.
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However there was a reason this "thing" all got started, and thus there is a reason why it should continue. Obstacles, opposition and trials truly are all a part of the journey and I have come to know that by design, they are tasked with making us better. I would never have known the strength I had to get through something had that something never challenged me or came my way. You realize who you really are in the face of opposition. Opposition can of course come in many shapes and sizes. But I've learned to put the opposition under the microscope too. There are times I've asked myself "What's in it for me?" But the more I live, the more I realize that "Perhaps there is something I need in the opposition."
Philosophical at best, this post is just a reminder (to myself too) that even though there are times that we question why, and criticize ourselves (guilty), we can't stop moving. Funny that the song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey is in my head as I finish this post. I almost titled the post that way. :)
Challenges & Limitations: Are they the same thing?
Challenges & Limitations: Are they the same thing? Can challenges lead to limitations? Can challenges open the door to opportunity?
This blog has been written as something to consider and maybe even open the door for conversation, inspired by nature itself. (Side note: there is much to be learned by observing and appreciating who and what we are surrounded by.)
Are challenges limitations? I was watching a nature documentary recently, titled "Africa's Deadliest," I couldn't help but notice the sheer number of animals with physical and perhaps geographical challenges that may serve to box the animal in or by which we are able to identify the animal as it's species. For example, the crocodile is regarded as a fierce predator, who has intense bite force and is able to take out animals that are equal or larger in size. The water is where the crocodile's greatest strength is realized because of its ability to ambush prey, often by surprise as they draw closer by holding their breath underwater.
You might say that the water is the croc's livelihood. However, the crocodile's teeth are not designed to tear and chew it's prey once caught and suffocated. Instead the crocodiles must group together and rely on each other to tear prey and then swallow it whole. Not only that, crocodiles are sloppy & less balanced and effective while on land versus in the water. You might say that the challenges that the crocodile experiences are opportunities for them to capitalize on their strengths and/or cooperate with other crocodiles in order to accomplish the task at hand. Are these challenges experienced by crocodiles also their limitation? Well that depends on how you view it.
Let's take another example. The cheetah is hugely regarded as the fastest land animal on Earth reaching speeds of 65 miles per hour or more. This is of course a feature that enables the cheetah to attain its prey when it travels at intense speeds. Unlike its counterparts and related species, it is able to traverse distances in order to reach what may otherwise be unreachable. A drawback however is the need for cheetahs to recuperate after traveling at such immense speed before it can devour what it's speed allowed it to reach and overtake. In fact, the documentary identifies that the cheetah becomes so overheated that it is close to going brain dead after working so intensely to feed itself. If this wasn’t enough, the cheetah then has to deal with the lions and hyenas, opportunists, that pose a serious threat to the cheetah itself, not to mention its prey being stolen. Is the cheetah’s speed a challenge or a limitation?
A third example is the Monarch butterfly, a delicate creature, faces more than one challenge in its lifetime. Of its challenges are habitat loss, pesticides and herbicides, and climate change. Starting out as a caterpillar, eating constantly, it has to undergo a complete physical change, only to have a limited lifespan once its metamorphosis has taken place. An average butterfly has an average life span of two weeks in which it must carry out its life obligations in order to ensure that generations behind it may carry on, survival in mind.
And so now we attempt to bring it home, to the crux of the matter, the reality of the world we live in today. We all have challenges, animals and human beings alike. We all have things that we face on the daily that we have the opportunity to overcome. If we sat here and thought long enough, we would be able to identify challenges for each animal and even plant on the face of the earth. All living things face obstacles and challenges that “challenge” the existence and survival of the species. Could we ask the cactus plant to stop sucking up water so that it can survive during the harsh times of drought? Could we ask the kangaroo to stop digging holes into the ground in order to cool itself in times of extreme heat? Would it be appropriate to ask the alligators and crocodiles to remain in the water so they do not threaten our existence on the earth? The truth is that challenges can be viewed as obstacles, but are not necessarily limitations at all. They are opportunities to be creative, adapt and find ways to conquer what could have conquered you. We fill continue to face challenges but we do not have to allow those challenges to keep us from moving forward in the best way possible. 
So let’s think about education and the roles we have. Our students. Do they have challenges? You bet they do! We as the educators face challenges as well. Our students have various backgrounds, cultures, experiences, values, morals and beliefs that may not necessarily line up with the next person. Does that mean they are any less valuable? Of course not, but perhaps these challenges are opportunities to learn how to embrace and celebrate the various aspects of our world that make it unique and diverse. Where would we be without challenges? We’d never learn how amazing the world and those therein truly are without challenges. We’d never see the bravery if there was nothing to fear. We’d never know love, if rejection wasn’t a reality. We’d never see the stars if they didn’t shine in the middle of darkness. We’d never know the opportunity ahead without the challenges that propel us to pursue with patience that which lies before us! Turn your challenge into an opportunity, don’t let it limit you.